What I saw on your admittedly classy website was a person who has truly passed the point of no return on their appearance. I wish you well in fighting the emotional battle that you so obviously are. Perfection is going to be further and further from your reach as you sink into the abyss that your mind and insecurities have created for you. You may find this mean, but I take no pleasure in saying the words, just a calm sense of pity.